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All 50 game Reviews


Alice is Dead - Ep 3 Alice is Dead - Ep 3

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Very well done.

Very well made with a lot of extras that just add that touch. however, the only thing that bugs me is the pipe you find near the bar, it's totally useless for whatever reason.

Phone calls were the best part.

"Stop calling me."



2099 2099

Rated 3 / 5 stars

Clusterfuck...

That is how one can describe this game.

Mind you that I thought that the art was great, the explosions and vapor trail of the missiles were well animated and drawn. The gameplay, while having it's many share of flaws, was still fun at first.

Key words, at first.

Now as soon as I got started with the tutorial I'm absolutely fine, shooting enemies as they come by and upgrading my ship to a laser, which excited me for the real game.

However, the first possible I noticed were the clouds that seems to just love blocking your view of the enemy and come by very often and knew this would be a problem in the future.

What I also found was a problem was that, when most enemies smash into you, you get shoved. When most explosions are near you, you get shoved. When a feather hit you, you get shoved even more.

Yeah, and then try fighting multiple enemies that are just dying to smash into your innocent little ship,clouds constantly blocking your view, it turns into a fucking pinball game of Hell and confusion, because every time you are hit, the ALSO has the need to add a blur effect.

And it does this for EVERY TIME YOUR HIT OR SO MUCH MOVE FAST.

Almost my entire play through of this game was blurred. I would have loved to continue and get my first weapon upgrade, but it was just too frustrating.

What's worse is that I could barely tell where my ship was because a FUCKING cloud was in the way and only noticed at the last minute that my ship was in the corner being smashed and shoved to death by other ships.

Get rid of the constant clouds.

Get rid of the blur effect.

Get rid of all the constant shoving.

Get rid of the ship not being all that noticable from all the OTHER oval shaped ships.

Do these thing and the game should be MILES better.


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Epos Epos

Rated 3 / 5 stars

Good art, gameplay, blandness...

Ugh.

I can't even write a completely proper review for this game because it's pretty much sucked the life out of me. There is absolutely nothing different about this game from any other RPG out there or from the 80s and 90s.

Set in the same period as pretty, EVERY RPG, the medieval times. Why? Can no RPG take place in modern times, Hell, even the distant future or past?

The gameplay was solid, but as mentioned before there's nothing really special about it as it's pretty much a staple in EVERY RPG. Not to mention that the game's pretty much an insensitive grind fest.

HOWEVER, there are some good things I'll say about this game.

I like the artwork, it's simple and the monster design don't seem like you tried too hard in a good way since I HATE IT when people try and just stick spikes and unnecessary things on to monsters just to make them threatening.

I also liked how if you damage a monster enough, they alert you to this by changing poses to a more "I'm about to die pose." It adds a bit more strategy to this game.

Now this game is no way near bad, it's just, not very original.

PS

At least ADD the option to use the mouse, I cannot tell you how many times I went for my mouse trying to click on options or attacks when starting to play only to forget that I HAVE to use the keyboard.

I mean, it's not like it'd interfere with the overall gameplay.


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Larry And The Gnomes Larry And The Gnomes

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Good, but riddled with some bugs and annoyances.

I have to say, this was a good beat 'em up. The story, characters, and voice overs gave me a chuckle here and there and it was somewhat challenging since you barely get hurt from the utterly pathetic enemies.

(Medium Difficulty.)

However, people continue to go on about the second boss and how it's impossible to beat. They're half right considering I beat the bastard myself, however it's hard for all the absolute wrong reasons.

I like how you came up with the method for beating this boss, however, it's waaaay too much of a pain in the ass.

First, the boss only seems to throw a spear at you when it wants too, so good luck dodging and praying it doesn't hit you.

Secondly, the hit detection for it is broken. That or you make it very unclear of where it can attack. The boar charges me, I walk diagonally down away from it, being completely out of it's path annnnnnnd it hits me.

Seriously.

Thirdly, this boss fight shows many problems that are unnoticed in the game, one being the the pick up system. Say you want to pick up that spear he just threw at you, so, you pick it up replacing your other, better weapon, having to run back to give you more space to attack the thing.

You throw, stun it, go to get your better weapon annnnnnd he snaps out of it. Seriously, that's almost no time for attacking, at least add a few seconds, Hell, I'd go for two.

Another thing is that Larry doesn't know when to stop fucking running or rolling. To try and get my weapon faster, I run to it only for Larry to spazz out and roll, I try to walk back to get my weapon he completely jumped but then I fucking run.

Fantastic.

Another thing which isn't so much your problem considering it plagues a lot of beat 'em ups, but picking up a weapon is a pain in the ass, you have to be right on the damn thing and it doesn't help when your rushing to get it.

So after dying about eight times to the thing while yelling at Larry for not turning around to throw spears countless times, I finally beat it.

I played for a little bit and then just couldn't get over how unfair the boss was and stopped having fun. Then I stopped playing. I'm sure I'll play through the whole thing tomorrow, but really now.

In short, the game is fun, but a bit too easy, even for Medium difficulty and the second Boss is a broken, unfair bastard.

You can beat him sure, the way to beat him is easy and simple, but god damn does it need to be tweaked.

Still, great game.



Super Mario Crossover Super Mario Crossover

Rated 3 / 5 stars

There's was a reason mario was only playable...

I love the concept, I REALLY do, but there's a damn good reason Mario was the only playable character in his own game.

Half the other characters handle like SHIT out of their environment, especially Simon, but I'll talk about that later.

First, there's Link. Sure, at first I thought he was fine until I actually was forced to kill something and realized that I had to kill a good damn goomba by standing RIGHT FUCKING IN FRONT OF IT!

Of course I died from Link hitting goombas WHILE ATTACKING. Seriously, I run up to a turtle, hit it but then die from me apparently sliding into it.

BULL. FUCKING. SHIT.

I know they're stunned but really they they still have to fucking kill me if I touch them while their stunned. Ugh.

Then there's Billy from Contra. He's not as bad as Link, Samus and Simon but when you can't control your fucking jumping height underwater, it's infuriating.

Then Samus, who can't hit anything with her VERY limited range. HAHA. Oh and her bombs are absolutely useless along with Link's boomerang.

Oh, oh, oh. Then there's the absolute worse. Simon, the motherfucker who can control his jump while being the shortest jumping distance out of everyone. I'm sure in the original, the jumping was better, since you know, it was his own fucking game, but here in Mario's game, HE'S FUCKING USELESS!

You have to be precise with the jumps, if you're off by an centimeter, you're died.

Hell, the only character besides Mario I can stand is Megaman who makes the game a fuck-ton easier considering he pretty much has a better version of the fire flower by DEFAULT.

There's a lot of problems with this game, sure it's funny FINALLY killing Bowser with Simon but it wears out fast.

Cool idea, bad execution.



Dead Frontier: Outbreak 2 Dead Frontier: Outbreak 2

Rated 3 / 5 stars

Hurm...

This was actually quite a delightful change of pace from the regular mindless zombie shooter as I myself love "choose your own adventure games", however this one fell short in a lot of areas, mostly with the actually choices themselves.

The story doesn't seem to have anything to go for besides "helping your family get medicine" which is pretty much just a glorified fetch quest. However, the best part of the game was the voice actor, who pretty much takes the cake considering he sounds like Rorschach which made the game overall more enjoyable.

It was also surprising how you could actually apply logic to some chooses, such as in the begin when you can have the choice to take a crowbar to later use to open a locked door in a more quite manner, however this is the only scene (to my knowledge) to actually use the crowbar.

After finding to my surprise that these zombies were the running kind considering the game's mood was leaning towards the slow kind.

It would have helped to mention that they were the running kind BEFORE I got my face eaten off. I later reached a part of the game were most people seemed to have gotten royally screwed on just as I was, which was turning on the generator, and not properly locking that fucking door.

I admit that I left mine completely open, but that's only because I did so for a quick escape like the game hinted at only to find out the game was just being a giant dick waving a fake red herring in front of my face. It never gave me the chance to properly lock the door again once I went upstairs, which I knew would bit me in the ass.

Which it did.

So I start over, not choosing the machine-gun this time, but the hunting rifle so that I could snip all the zombies in front of the mall from a distance to see if I could prevent them from coming in, considering that the drawing didn't depict too many zombies, but it pretty much gave me the same event as if I had the machine gun which pissed me off to no end leading me to think that the game was trying to piss me off.

It seemed that the more I played the game, the more faults I found with it.

There's almost no difference in voice overs for different events, some decisions are fucking pointless such as wearing the camouflage only to have the zombie to my surprise being the fucking running kind that apparently have the ability to smell from about half a mile from a guy wearing camouflage who (I assume) is hiding.

Thanks for mentioning they were the running kind, not like it would have been a helpful tip or anything.

I know I'm sounding like a jerk but really, the further I get into this review the more things I remember that pissed me off, but at least I could tell you tried which I'll give credit for that.

So much potential only to fall over repetitiveness and and the game kicking you in the balls when ever it felt like it.

Like a lot.


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ImmorTall ImmorTall

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Wow...

That was VERY good change of pace from the norm.

At first this was just going to be another alien killing spree, starting with the innocent little girl, but it didn't and I like that.

I like how this game made me feel. And it's an impressive feet to do that, even to one person, but I'm sure others have felt something from this game.

There are unexpected outcomes which I thought I could break only leading to something else. However, I'm not going to say.

I want the players to find out for themselves.

You did good.


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Canabalt Canabalt

Rated 5 / 5 stars

Simply amazing...

This has to be one of the most addictive games I've played in years.

The simplicity to it is just mind boggling and the pixel art is refreshing and detailed such as the continuously moving background.

I just love everything about this game and just might be tempted enough to buy it on the iPhone...

Amazing job.


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Level Up! Level Up!

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

This is a fun game so far but...

What's with the nightmare section of the game? Really, it's not that it's hard, there's a simple pattern to the fight. It's just an endurance round.

However if you die during the fight at any time, you lose all of your experience? That is unexceptable. I wouldn't mind losing a percentage of experience, but fucking all of it?

That isn't fun. That's annoying, frustrating and repetitive.



Cube Colossus Cube Colossus

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Hm, different...

I see a lot of games like this these days, but this on was pretty fun and different. I like how you used a different scheme of controls which were surprisingly easy to get used to, but they do tend to get annoying at some points in the game.

The enemies are standard considering they're just cubes and turrets. I was really disappointed that there weren't any more ship fights. Those were pretty fun.

It's also kind of disappointing that the only useful ship is the one that can that last wave after wave of cubes. It also doesn't help that the other two ships are fucking useless considering that they would die after hitting the millions of cubes on the screen later on in the game.

It especially doesn't help that the one with the coolest ability can't stand getting hit by a butterfly.

But, even with all of these, it's a pretty good game.

Fun shooter.